Sean the Irish Bastard
Winnie the Poo
Today Cosmetics company Proctor and Gamble announced the new face for there Oil of Olay skin moisturiser adverts.
There previous model Lucy Martinez had to be replaced after she mysteriously numerous skin blemishes.
The new model has beenrevealed to be Queen Sensbtisi an Egyptian who died around 1785 BC who was mummified and later dug up by archaeologists in 1920. She is currently residing in the British Museum.
John Carpenter a sales executive at Proctor and Gamble explained their unusual choice "We did a little research into Egyptian embalming methods. We found that by some weird coincidence the chemicals they used in the embalming fluid were identical to those we use in Oil of Olay skin moisturiser. The quality of her skin after all this time shows the excellence of our product". We asked Mr Carpenter how the company were going to avoid being sued when that explanation is revealed to be bollocks. "Well we believe all of her embalmers have been dead for about four thousand years so it is unlikely that they'll pursue legal action".
Queen Sensbtisi was chosen for the part after the company did extensive research through the British Museum. "The search for the perfect model was a long and extensive" Carpenter told us "It took us almost an entire morning to wander around that museum, my feet were killing me".
Queen Sensbtisi lived during a relatively quiet period for the Egyptian empire. She thought a few minor wars and quenched a few minor uprisings before dying a the tender age of just twenty-three when she accidentally, brutally stabbed herself to death. It is unlikely that she could have dreamt that four thousand years later she would become a famous model.
We contacted the British Museum to see if we could get an interview with the queen. They however informed us that the Queen was unavailable for comment due to the fact she was dead. When we persisted they told us to F**k off.
Some children's charities have expressed concern over the adverts. Mrs Doreen Walker from some dull group told us "Queen Sensbtisi had her brain dragged out of her nose with an iron hook and placed in a jar. Its possible that young girls who want to be like her will try to copy her".
The advert will premier in May and will feature the Queen although it has been revealed that her looks will be slightly enhanced by a computer.
The Queen after slight digital enhancement
After a quick survey around the DFTFC office over who more attractive Queen Sensbtisi or Lucy Martinez. The vote came out five to one in favour of Ms Martinez with only Chillibear voting for Sensbtisi, but then he always did have a strange taste in women.