As the threat of global warming increases, leading world ecological experts have held a 40-day conference in an attempt to solve the problem of global warming, the experts have whittled it down to just two viable solutions.

One solution would mean fitting cows, the main producers of green house gasses, with catalytic converters. A problem was discovered with producing such a device - they can only be made in luminous yellow plastic and this would change the look of the landscape of the entire planet forever!

The second simpler solution is to shift the British Isles closer to the equator as there is firm scientific evidence that the weather is always shit in England.

Complex detailed plan of the proposed movement of the British Isles

Shifting the British Isles would thus lead to a decrease in the temperature of the entire planet, thereby reducing global warming. There are also a number of additional bonus benefits to this solution.

• Moving further away from France.
• Closer to better holiday destinations.
• Moving away from France.
• We become our own continent and therefore get our own exciting coloured ring in the Olympic emblem.
• The British Isles would be further from France.

The French would have to find another country to blockade, as they wont have the channel tunnel anymore as England wishes to keep the tunnel and perhaps extend it to Florida in a government-funded project. Which would of course keep to the budget set-aside for it.

The Americans are known to have held a conference to discuss how they could claim all t he credit for such a great idea to solve the problem of global warming; rumours are that there is a historically accurate film currently in production.