Greetings Caption Fans. This is the world famous (kinda) DFTFC caption competition. Have a look through some of the older caption competition entries.

Comments are people's own as are the dreadful spelling mistakes.

• Donkey cart
• Car in alley
• Cannabis field
• Prescott punching
• Child on swing
• Russian Dolls
• Fishing
• Jesus parachute
• Man taped to wall
• Skeleton theatre
• Government house somewhere
• Plane and sound barrier
• Car crash in carpark
• Mowlam on the sofa
• Flying into the sun
• Clinton on fire
• George Bush and girl

• His ability to wheelie made him the leader of the pack? - Beechey
• Come on! I’ve seen Santa’s reindeer do it easily! - Beechey
• does my bum look big in this?!? - le Rideur de la Fluxe 2002
• ‘No boss, i cant see any good market pitches from here’ - YAKDung
• Yet another reason Kellogg’s Pop Tarts should not be sent as relief aid. - manic marmoset
• Look mum! No hands! - Soap on a Rope
• FIRE SCUD DONKEY!!! - SpinnenMannlich
• ‘yeah yeah guys! that gag just gets funnier and funnier. now put me down. - joe_curr
• You should see the fat bastard that sits on him to balance it out - Lemonhead
• I knew we over-did it with the sherry - Bruce Cobber-Fosters
• The new ‘Buckaroo’ from Mattell seemed really life-like - Flick Beaner
• ‘I Tell you, since Parcel Force has been privatised, service has just shot up!’ - A Tory Voter (the only one?)
• ‘Yes, my company vehicle is a two-wheeler, with plentry of room in the back’ - Flick Beaner
• Montoya, warming up before the next Argentinian F1 Grand Prix - Flick Beaner
• ‘This time next year, Rodders, we’ll be millionaires’ - Flick Beaner
• Jym (3:12) ‘….and the donkey did poo, and thus the balance was lost.’
• The lead bullet smugglers in Afghanistan come across a fault in their scheme… - Paranoid Android
• Buy them here flying donkeys a steal at 200 rupees - deadmeat
• Vanessa Felts only got off to get a burger……… - Fugazi
• ‘What? No I can’t see bin Laden hiding in the mountains!’ - Monique
• The bollywood version of the film ‘Castaway’ was less expensive to make. - Timothy O’Fool
• ‘think happy thoughts’
• ‘muel punishment in india is too far’ say UN - Spudmonkey
• Consignia on strike over muel wages - Spudmonkey
• Pavarotti’s lunch was going to be late - scrumpydoode
• Broken cart trap has stops Evil post stealin Donkey - Monkey breedin Maniac
• Get your donkey on a stick here… donkey on a stick… - Young Vader
• 5 mins for the kabab. its still raw - Neo lithic
• I can see my house from here - Neo lithic
• Does this make my ass look big? - Chips n Gravy
• Karibul (right) lights touchcord for ‘Dynamite’, the first donkey canonball. - Funkygeek
• Controversial new mule fertilisation procedure causes uproar in Afghanistan - Abdul Asheem Mohammed III
• The yanks are coming. You’d better keep your ass down - Ash
• So……. Howsabout them lawn gnomes… - Matt - aka the supreme ruler of all that smells of feces

• beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep ford demonstrate a revolutionary parking sensor - LSA
• Next door neighbour denies moving boundary wall during the night - Shoutingbrown
• mobile 3rd world housing reaches a new stage of development - Soap on a Rope
• It seems he really was driving her up the wall - Krist
• Am I too close to the curb or is that far enough? - Rich
• Car moonwalking experiment goes horribly wrong - TigerMaple
• Perhaps getting zoe the car for her birthday wasn’t such a good idea - P. Inc
• BREAKING NEWS: FORDS NEW ENGINE PROVED TOO HEAVY FOR CAR! - Billy Elliot of 11Jaaaaaaaay
• Well the space looked large enough from the street - M.C.P.
• That damn car is humping my fence again! - The empry eggroll boy
• I schwear! i only had the 1 pint, ochifer! - Jim H rules!!!!!
• supply drops to Afghanistan - Abdul Abadabadabadabadabdagudju
• shame about the air brakes - pjmg21@hotmail.com
• I TOLD you we couldn’t make that roof jump !! - Blackfire
• Who parked their f##king car here!? - lalalala
• Well that wall wasn’t here yesterday. - Irish Duderino
• when i said you drive me up the wall dear, i didn’t mean it literally! - prozac_alice
• back a bit….baaaack……woah! stop! stop! - joe_curr
• you did it AGAIN?????? - captain apathy

• Fuckin hell- this is half way to the best policemans ball of all time!!!!! - muckingfuppet
• I’ve got the pot, now where did I park my car? - The Teddy Bears Picnic
• for medicinal use is it sir ?……… - winnie the poo (back from the dead)
• Suddenly, being stranded with Wilson all made sense. -* manic marmoset*
• ‘Anybody got a 500-gallon plastic bag?’ - Bill Nash
• now what was that cake recipe again? - Lanky South African
• British police have gone to pot. - Phiiil
• The battered russian economy tries to compete with Mount Rushmore. - Phiiil
• shit, my mum’ll kill me! - freddy
• Welcome to the Tesco exotic salad department - Himself
• british police go to pot - mark adams
• i said go pot holing you idiot - mark adams
• High there, how you dooing! - Puffin’ Bigman - whhoooo!
• The battered russian economy tries to compete with Mount Rushmore. - Phiiil
• ‘Something smells funny!’ -* mistor conedome*
• P.C smith was REALLY pleased with his miracle grow. -* jim H roooooollllzzzzzz!*
• A policeman inspects the overgrown weeds of a columbian asylum seekers home. - Richiebwoy
• Cor! The Queens garden sure is lovely this fall. - An American Twit
• ANYBODY BRING THE LIGHTER? - IRONBLOKE
• i am not a grass - mark adams

• I’m not fat, I’m big boned! - The lanky South African
• Election campaign takes bad turn when ‘stamp your vote starts up’ - Dead meat
• Battle of Obesity - Tom
• Take two eggs and beat them up… - jackajack
• It’s ‘Two-jabs’ prescott - CC
• John Prescott emphasises his views on illegal immigrants - Lanky South African again
• Prescott demonstrates Labours new Hard line tactics on community policing… - matt bibbings
• i was positive he had foot and mouth…. - Hungleberry beater
• At least he’s leading with the left ! - giroboy
• John Prescott sums up the nations’ hatred of the mullet hair-cut - Joe_Curr
• ‘Thats a lovely mullet, mind if I have a quick feel?’ - kano
• The first rule about Tory Club is: you do not talk about Tory Club. - Irish dude.
• I Said Pull My Finger Not Slap Da Face - woodybfc
• ’…and I’m gonna fight taxes just like THIS, baby!!!’ - Rosey
• Take that Widdicombe-Oh sorry sir,easy mistake!! - Muckingfuppet
• Prescott gets a bit carried away with his ‘i’m a little teapot’ routine. - Brown
• Now read my new book: Vote for me or i smash your face in! By John ‘PR’ Presscot - Richard

• Lost At Sea Victim ‘Timmy’, Just Seconds Before The Chains Snapped - Rosey
• 1944 d-day. - Rob Michael
• New Zealand Pilot in training on how to crash a jet in the sea! - woodybfc
• I’m coming to get you nartzi F**kers!!! - *woodybfc
• The Yanks last line of defence, before Kamakazi, SLINGSHOT BABIES!!!! - A babe for all occasions! Aus
• Sling Shot Air Lines, Children Fly Free! - AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!
• Hey Soffie, after we finish with the swing do you want to build a sandbag castle -* OI!!! OI!!! OI!!!*
• The Kilshaws try the newest way to get a baby through customs - CC
• Bob, did you leave the Star Gate open again - Scrumpydoode
• supermans baby brother needs a little help from 2 passing harriers……… - googly2k1 is THE best!
• Godzilla would soon come from the depths and claim the child sacrifice. - Skeevy.com
• ‘mummy! NOOOOOOO!’ were the last words of the most recent victim of the evil mum - Googly2k1 is the greatest!
• Previously unreleased phot of the D-Day invasion - ConorBongo
• This baby has no legs! - conorbongo
• Its AMAZING its INCREDIBLE its BUNGIE BABY!!! - BOOBS
• invisible man, uses toddler as ammunition in giant sling shot. - silvertongue
• french deny firing medium range toddlers across the channel
• Freakish Whale Baby Air-lifter after beaching self in search of hind legs. - P. Diddly Dog Darwin
• William Hague swings Further to the Right… - John Whitington
• ‘If only I had a playstation’ -* lex hart*
• Cures for nappy rash take a turn for the worse - Deadmeat

• Jackson Five reform. Michael finds it hard to refute plastic surgery claims - Joe_Curr
• Man discovers indisputable evidence of KGB cloning program. - GiroBoy
• Popstars 2nd series searches for four lucky stars. Which four will win?!!?? :-) - Joe_Curr
• New from Hasbro: ‘Russian Presidents’ - Sean the Irish Bastard
• Russian inflatable sex aids need some work admits man sucking his thumb - Scrumpydoode
• IT’s The Pigmi’s, It’s the PIGMI’s! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!! - Pigmi slayer, Australia!
• Man discovers lost family after picking his nose - LordVader
• ‘Former president’ action figures hit the shelves today, drawing big crowd. - Sidney Taupin
• another potential victim of the train spoting club - royston
• Hey, anybody fancy a little head? - LordVader
• The Result of Endless Drug Taking on behalf of Brian! - Daniel Aus
• Pigmi’s??? did someone say Pigmi’s? ARRRRGGGHHH RUNN FOR YouR LIVES!!! - Pigmi slayer aus
• Jeffry REALLY hated his family reunions….. - googly2k jim is the best! tom c is the loser!
• Man!! if I do another line these pricks might piss off!!! - snuffy
• another brutal beating involving the infamous’Russian big head mafia!’ - googly2000
• ‘I found them officer, honest!’ - PaulC

• ‘I wish I’d picked number 1 now’, John whispers to Cilla Black - Joe_Curr
• The special effects budget for Jaws 5 ran out pretty early on. - HC
• REVENGE! Anglers beware for the trout send in the secret weapon. Mwahahahaha! - LordVader
• The first fish ventriloquist show off his new puppet Clive - Greasy luva
• Once i’d married her, the fat old trout really let herself slip. - mattbibbings@yahoo.co.uk
• The Human type Fly wasn’t to Trout’s taste - Ben Pearce - UK
• ‘And don’t forget me crisps’ Sharon tells Bob at the Cardiff nightclub hotspot - Scrumpydoode
• mmm Something smells fishy Bob said!!! - I woulda expected it from someone else by now! Daniel Melb Aus
• I once caught a fish this big, and I framed it, Joe Explains! - Daniel Melb Aus
• OH, baby back ribs, or shall i go for his buttocks - pur qwelle qwellero
• RUN AWAY!!!!! - Cheese molester
• The morning after Jeff was not quite so impressed with his ‘bird’ - Mr Fluffy
• Mr Fish was quite surprised by Franks taste in fashion, very appalling!!! - Yep Dan again! gotta love this!

• I can see the pub from ‘ere! - LordVader
• ‘Jeeeesus Christ, that was lucky….’ - Joe_Curr
• This ‘Divine intervention’ lark ain’t all it’s cracked up to be….. - Matt Bibbings
• Turnout for this years ‘Human Yo-Yo’s for Jesus’ was less than expected - mattbibbings@yahoo.co.uk
• Exits are here, here, and.. there’s no need to jump out quite so prematurely - Peteza
• Jimmy Hills puppet show was always a great hit at the toga party - Scrumpydoode
• I didn’t crash here, I just felt like hanging out with the holy guy for a while! - Daniel (Australia) this page rox!
• jesus, christ this wedge is killing me! I think I have a holly parachute! - Daniel, its me again
• hey big boy, do you work out? - craccas
• fee fie foe fum, I smell the pit hair of the holly one! - Daniel
• Say hello to my lil’ friend - LordVader
• Jesus: the cheeky bugger nicked the umbrella from my cocktail! - googly2000, g2k, googly man!
• Jesus receives parachute Action-Man in a cracker at the last supper - Greasy luva

• Government considers U-turn on research into genetically modified spiders. - Joe_Curr
• Turner Prize entry turns on artist - Giroboy
• ‘Tape Man’ proves a flop at the annual superhero ball - Joe_Curr
• Some days, you really wish you’d shaved your chest… - JamBoy
• Bank robberies take on bizarre new twist with tape guns - Deadmeat
• Novel methods employed to hold back the hordes, on Playstation 2 release day… - JamBoy
• Historic time-capsule reveals ‘missing link’… - gregarious gibbon
• Mr Smith never did get the hang of wrapping presents - Deadmeat
• Thats what you get for robbing ‘stationary box’! - SomeKindaBliss
• The local village people had had enough of his thieving.
• Duct Tape is Stronger than UHU - Sil
• Twat gets himself caught in another ‘sticky’ situation… - LordVader
• Duck Tape Chairman say’s ‘The pay cut was just a joke’ - Deadmeat
• Jenny Craig tout’s break through weight loss method (results not typical) - manic marmoset
• Critics agree: George Lucas’ latest special fx leave something to be desired… - manic marmoset
• The forgotten 3rd world population enjoys the tale of Christmas - B>E<X
• Be with you in a minute; I’m a little tied up… - Sparky
• NHS bed shortage solution given the go ahead - mattbibbings@yahoo.co.uk

• Cash strapped Millennium Dome loses roof. Body Zone nothing more than a skeleton - Joe_Curr
• Advanced Dungeons & Dragons tournament takes longer than planned - LordVader
• gullivar lives…….. sort of - jill
• The Necronomicon is the source of all evil, Mwahahahahahahahaha! - CC, This is my boomstick!
• Victims were not too chuffed about seeing ‘Hell’s’ This Your Life big red book - Scrumpydoode
• Posh spice gets pop-up book for Christmas - Giroboy
• Bloody bookworms get everywhere - ChilliBear
• Millennium Dome facelift - Visitors to ‘Book World’ hope for good weather - Joe_Curr
• Eammon Andrews exhumed to present this is your life - Simon
• God vents awful vengeance on all who read the ‘All New Pop-Up Bible’ - Simon
• posh spice enjoys her celebrity status above the little people - tim s
• Man devoured by evil pigmys while reading book - LordVader
• Posh Spice gets her first pop-up book - Simon
• Food crisis on lilliput ‘send us another UN envoy please’ - Deadmeat

• America denies puppet-president - Joe_Curr
• ‘I don’t understand!! They used to fit!!! - strawberrrie22
• Before the op, my tits were this big! - Ewan
• Ugly bloke denies sexual harassment charges from Invisible Woman. - JamBoy
• one, two, three, seven, eight, oh wait….
• So THAT’S how hedgehogs shag! - Sparky
• i dont need a ‘REAL’ monica lewinski, all i need is a bit of imagination! - googly2k
• ‘You talkin’ to me?’ - Sean the Irish Bastard
• You lookin at me………. - R. De Nero
• Russian ambassador clears U.N. with statement ‘I want to be a real woman!’ - Deadmeat
• Bob’s fart demonstrations were notoriously unpopular. - Namrah
• Manual recounting of the Al Gore presidential votes - LordVader
• Politician admits to taking viagra: I swear it was this big - LordVader
• Red blood cells develop freaky mutation - Wookster
• I knew I shouldn’t have beans for lunch - Wookster
• Not too difficult - A Single man counts up Al Gores presidential votes - Wookster
• International Hand Gesture #46: ‘You fat bastard, you ate all the pies.’ - JamBoy
• 1st sign of madness - looking for hairs on the palm of your hands - LordVader
• Pervert demonstrates advantages of female characters in virtual reality - LordVader
• ‘I tell you Mo Mowlams were this big!!!’ - Deadmeat
• It was a lonely conference and he just wanted a hug! - Bad Boy Malcolm
• It was here a moment ago… - death to the muppets
• ‘Yo yo yo Mr speaker waasssuuuuppp!!’ - Deadmeat
• ‘i tell no lies they were this big.. ‘ - s
• Bob stretched his fingers before playing the worlds longest piano - Scrumpydoode

• Surprise toys now bundled in new white smarties! - Hoffin’ Bigman
• Billy the blue monster was surprised when he squeezed the boil - Ewan
• The U S air force proudly sky write todays friendly fire tally - Scrumpydoode
• Never disturb a Hornet’s nest!
• Chickens are new players in aerospace technology - Vic
• Gives the term ‘the lynx effect’ a whole new meaning - Tom ‘Kickass’ Cantrill 10Jaaay baby!
• what the f*k, i’m stuck! - *hmmm
• ‘Sod the coming out of the Sun, they will never see us coming out of the clouds’
• US Fighter develops severe case of haemorrhoids - Wookster
• look, i told you not to spill the aliens beer! - googly2k
• Caught on camera: mutant sperm - Wookster
• Non-lethal weaponry is fair enough, but this cotton-wool missile is just shite.. - Jamboy
• Where the fuck did that paracetamol come from - jelly
• Dow Corning, dragged into further lawsuits, denies culpability. - Bill Nicholson nicomp42@hotmail.com
• Mutant Breast-Cloud in Stiff Nipple Shocker! - TigerMaple
• Smarties have more than the answers we now have your planes - Daveyboy
• I told you, ECM is for Electronic Countermeasures, not External Candyfloss Maker - JamBoy
• Airforce expresses anger at ‘World’s Largest Cottonball’ botch-up. - Mr Cool
• McDonnell Douglas replace braking ‘chutes with airbag. ‘Needs work’ says RAF. - JamBoy
• Fluffy aliens 1 USAF 0 - Daveyboy
• USAF in ballet-shocker. Don’t mess with their tu-tu’s! - Joe_Curr

• The car on top is a Toyota - Hoffin Bigman
• Security personnel caught in bizarre car-sex voyeurism shocker! - JamBoy
• Yes sir we can just squeeze in one more - Dai Laffin
• Production technique for new Mini exposed - Vic
• The latest in budget multi story car parks - ozzy
• Tony Adams tells police ‘I’m not pished’ - scrumpydoode
• Mr Prescotts next transport plan goes bolloks up again - Scart Lead
• And they say women can’t park…
• And she passed her test! - Double standards……………. never! CC
• ‘Move along please, theres nothing for you to see here’ - Colin
• tut - typical BMW driver - Dougs
• prevent your car from getting nicked, hide it under someone else’s one
• Doctors are debating whether to separate the Siamese cars, so that one can live - SKB
• damn it! missed the skoda ! - googlyman!
• The new multipla from fiat - Blinky Bill
• i told you women could’nt park! - paddy
• Daewoo sir? That will do nicely - Dai Laffin
• Damn it! Missed the parking assistant. - Hoffin Bigman
• Low turnout at this years Dukes of Hazard fanclub conference - Where’s Daisy?
• No, i don’t think you’ll need your umbrella madam! - Simon
• Left hand down a bit! - Sparky
• i think you may have failed reverse parking - alan from oz
• don’t wear wellys when reversing! - alan from oz
• i’ll have to do you for illegal parking!
• it`s raining i couldn’t see the lines!
• this is your captain speaking,do not be alarmed! if everthin starts to melt! - al from oz
• ‘Do you like my new jacket - it’s yellow you know.’
• EAT HOT MITSUBISHI DEATH, ALIEN SCUM! - Charlie

• Mo was now all alone in the Big Brother house - SKB
• FHM’s latest photo shoot was a BIG hit - ChilliBear
• Mo positoned herself and waited for her back to be stabbed - SKB
• DFS Offer: ‘Politician - FREE for first 3 years’ - Vic Blenkins
• It’s big, white and very comfy to sit on. The sofa’s nice too. - scrumpydoode
• An enthusiastic crowd waited patiently for Tony’s latest announcement. - ozzy
• Jail cells are getting better these days - Top Cat
• Mo posed wearing the new Dome pullover cover, perfect for those holes - SKB
• Mo gets her tan from that georgous 200 watt bulb - Coaxial Cable
• Pretty in Pink - The Bohemian
• If I fart enough, maybe I can have this sofa to myself… - The Bohemian
• As the room cleared, Mo began to regret her second helping of chili
• oh dear! - mo mowlam

• Shit where the F*k did that come from ! - *ChilliBear
• Quick! Put it in reverse - La la
• hOLIDAY IN tHE sUN - pOO
• I knew that air traffic controller at Heathrow was full of shit - Getting rid of surplus traffic - CC
• thats the last time i let u read the map - spinout
• New blockade-proof Chunnel service emerges from french side of tunnel - ninelives
• I don’t know why that song ‘Fly into the Sun’ is stuck in my head… - Sidney Taupin
• Airline pilot regrets tailgating Concorde… - Sean the Irish Bastard
• Is it hot in here, or is it just me? - Sidney Taupin
• I think he is going to swerve first… bob.. hey bob… do you think he is…. - JT
• At last we’ve found the giant Smartie! - Hungry Caterpillar
• I knew we should have turned left at Alberquerque! - Mark
• How many times do I have to tell you, Icarus? - Vic Blenks
• Desperate Brits try alternative means at a suntan - Jackajack
• Sperm go Hi-tech - Vic Blenkins
• BAE demonstrate thier new Airbus Airbag(tm) - Bealers
• Nothing ever happens around here… - Slinky the Dustman
• buggar! - puffer
• and if you look to your right you can see Bradford city playing football - scrumpydoode
• DIP YA HEADLIGHTS YA BA**D - Wilco
• One egg to another: - Dr Feelgood
• Wow, I always wondered what a nuclear explosion looked like… - The Radio Active Megastar
• Micro Machines First to Film Birth From Baby’s View - Vic Blenkins
• Heh heh, those other sperm are lame! - Endicliche
• I know we need some fuel but isn’t this going a little far to avoid the queues! - Will it ever end - CC
• …in other news, Captain Kangaroo got his licence for commercial flight… - Sidney Taupin
• Quick Dave, get the fly-swatter.. Its one of those weird looking moths again - wiggis
• Literally flying into the sunset… - Jazza
• umm…Blazing Saddles, that’s my favourite Cap’n.
• See, I told You It Was A Tunnel - Vic Blenkins
• Argh !!!! - Anthony.

• Things get hot for the president again..
• Do you smell something burning?
• Oh my God they killed Clinton!
• Monica’s on fire today - peteza
• Ah.. Clinton san! I see now that you really can light a fart on fire - I bow to your western ways… CC
• That was some curry I had last night ….. - Andy Rees
• Can you smell something burning? - Aubaerus
• Goodness gracious great balls of fire - Hungry Caterpillar
• ‘In other news, Monioca Lewinsky’s beret was set ablaze today….’ - Baby J
• “Ahh..Clinton San! Now that I see you can pee fire… you’re worthy of company.” - Sidney Taupin
• Monica ! you’re hair is alight
• Al Gore may be his own man, but he still can’t work out when his arse’s on fire! - Tutti-frutti
• See?? Napalm is as effective as Sarin……… - Greg Hamilton (ghamilto@hotmail.com)
• Friction caused by excessive masturbation ignites f*ire! - Solo
• See?? Napalm is as effective as Sarin……… - Greg Hamilton (ghamilto@hotmail.com)*
• Clinton’s dress-burning ceremony draws small crowd - Sid Badly
• Do I inhale now? - Sarah Jacotine
• Psst Bill your fires undone. - Sarah Jacotine
• Friction caused by excessive masturbation ignites fire! - Solo
• oh god, who lit that cigar? - m
• Heartburn? - Sidney Taupin

Bush follows in Quayles footsteps.. ‘is that how you spell potato mummy?’ - LSA he farted Oh, I thought his name was Clinton! - jAcKrAbBiT sLiM The president prepared himself as ‘Miss sucky’ limbered up… - Sick fuck I’m too tired, you tell him what happened with the Dish and the Spoon. - Manic Marmoset Oh my god, the pres’dent’s dumber than I am! - Michael 808 Is he really the dickhead off the telly - simon Mummy he’s not the real Santa!!!!! - fuckin wiv ya head and he gets paid how much for the shit he does ?? - Orla the irish bitch Bush crowns Miss Arizona West - Mick mc laughlin Little girl: O my god What does he want to do? - Simon A young Miss Iowa shows the President how she won the beauty pagaent - Sick twat Monica Lewinski’s daughter limbers up for the new president! - Horny Horns The King Of Horns MOM! Daddy’s cutting funds to all the public services for his own selfish means! - Conjurer303 ouch my toe! - espionage.salad.bowl