This morning DFTFC was invited to have a telephone interview with Admiral Richard Solhomn, aboard the Navy carrier the Enterprise.

This is the transcript from the telephone interview…

DFTFC: Admiral, can we call you Ricky?

Admiral R Solhomn: No.

DFTFC: Okay, well never mind. Getting straight to the issues we believe our readers are interested in, what can you tell us about the war that recently happened in Kosovo, and the part the Federation played in it.

ARS: Kosovo was a particularly important war because we were defending the right of innocent people, and the allied force is called NATO, not the Federation.

DFTFC: Okay, but don’t you think that it was in violation of the “Prime Directive” to go in and start blowing things up with photon torpedoes and the like.

ARS: I believe you are making a bit of mistake there, there is no “Prime Directive”.

DFTFC: Sure there is, you know it goes something like “Non-interference with other cultures”, and blowing the crap out another country seems a bit like a breach of that.

ARS: I believe you are getting real life confused with Captain Kirk’s life.

DFTFC: Kirk, yes he is famous for breaking the prime directive - was it Kirk that was in charge of this mission? Becausewe don’t think that wimp Picard would have had the balls to do it.

ARS: Listen, this is silly. The man in charge was Lieutenant-General Sir Michael Jackson.

DFTFC: Not Kirk then…

ARS: NO NOT KIRK, OR PICARD…

DFTFC: But why a pop star like Michael? Was it because of his popularity?

ARS: NO NO NO, agghhh! Let’s leave the generals, and I want to say again that this war was not about this silly “PrimeDirective”, it was about removing a tyrant from his dictatorship.

DFTFC: Yes we were hoping you would get onto the matter of the Klingon Leader Gowron, and his reign of terror throughout the Alpha quadrant.

ARS: Really…I suppose next we will be taking about what role the USS Enterprise played in all this.

DFTFC: Okay if you want to: did you find the newly refitted transporters aboard the Enterprise helped you in performing surprise attacks on the Klingons, or did you find that they had used magnetic shielding to protect themselves?

ARS: I don’t believe this - you really believe in what you’re saying, don’t you? Listen man, did you spend youentire life watching cheap science fiction shows and not the news!?!?

DFTFC: Maybe…

ARS: This interview is going nowhere, I’m getting off.

DFTFC: But what about the effects this war has had on the Federation, and Starfleet? Ricky, are you there…Ricky…hello.

Everyone here at DFTFC would like to officially apologise for the sudden conclusion to that interview, we believe it was due to Romulan spies that had infiltrated the Enterprise. We have contacted the Navy with our suspicions, but have yet to hear back from them on the matter.