Star Wars Episode II to have adult certificate
George Lucas announced today that Star Wars Episode II will be planned as a more adult orientated film.
In effect, this will mean that in America it will be given an ‘R’ rating, whilst in the UK it will be an ‘18’. So what is the reason for this? No, it isn’t because the film is more gory, Light sabre fights, or for the much rumoured Jar Jar Binks graphic torture scene.
In a DFTFC exclusive George Lucas revealed, “There’s one event from the saga that’s going to happen in Episode II, which is of great significance to the other five films. In fact, you could say that this is the single most important scene from all six films; one that really ties everything together”.
The scene in question is of course, Luke and Leia’s conception. “We want to show of much of this event as possible” continued Lucas, “So the adult certificate will allow us to show every tiny detail and aspects of this momentous event. We hope that once Episode II is released, this scene will become everyone’s favourite. Considering that most of Star Wars’ more obsessive fans never get laid, this is a possibility”.
Lucas denied all allegations that the reason for this scene, was so that members of the crew could get a glimpse of Natalie Portman in the nude. Lucas continued, “The nudity is part of the artistic and spiritual nature of Star Wars”.
Portman, who is famous for having erect nipples in the middle of the desert surrounding Mos Eisley, has never done a nude scene before. She told us “As long as its tastefully done and important to the plot, I’m game”.
Intrigued about this sudden change of direction for the normally U rated Star Wars films DFTFC contacted our old friend Rick McCallum, to try to find out what was going through Lucas’s mind. Rick explained that the scene had initially been his idea. “After reading Lucas’s initial draft for Episode II, I was concerned about the direction that the saga was taking. Has Lucas introduced this lovescene to help the movie financially??”.
Many people have been dismayed on hearing last month’s announcement, that Jim Carrey would be playing Anakin Skywalker, and a completely Computer Generated Image of Elvis would star as the sage and wise mentor for Anakin. Further information has now since been acquired by DFTFC, and we can now reveal that Star Wars Episode II, which will be entitled titled
‘Jar Jar’s Adventures on the Zany Planet of Custard’, will in fact be a slapstick comedy. McCallum told us that Lucas received a boxed set of Laurel and Hardy videos for Christmas. Lucas immediately fell in love with them, and decided to rewrite Episode II in their honour. McCallum continued, “I suggested the idea of the conception scene, when I realised what a dud movie this would otherwise have been. It’s the only way we’re going to get anyone to go and see the blasted movie!”.
Personally, we can wait for ‘Jar Jar’s Adventures on the Zany Planet of Custard’, and all of its’ tasteful artistic scenes.